Kevin Smith, the “Clerks” director known to most as Silent Bob, recorded a Facebook Live video from the hospital on Tuesday, detailing what it was like to “read” his own eulogy, face fat-shaming and stand up for Chris Pratt’s prayers in the wake of his near-fatal heart attack.
The 47-year-old director was in surprisingly good spirits ― making jokes and all ― as he recorded the live stream.
“My biggest fear in life: Death, No. 1. No. 2: People seeing my dick,” he said.
Smith suffered the heart attack in between two comedy shows being filmed in Glendale, California, on Sunday.
He said the ordeal made him face the two things of which he was most afraid: Death and strangers seeing his penis. The doctors, he explained, had to reach his left anterior descending (LAD) artery through his groin area ― which required his groin to be shaved.
“I’ve gone out of my way my whole life to not let my dick be fucking seen,” he added. “Never wanted to go to a hospital or a doctor for that very reason. Don’t want to be judged, obviously small.”
Smith said he was able to hold his shirt over him as a “modesty rag” and the procedure ended up saving Smith’s life.
“They found that the LAD was 100 percent blocked,” he said. The medical team “put a stent in and, bam, here I am. Dude literally saved my life.”
Smith was grateful for the outpouring of support he received after his heart attack and said it gave him a new outlook on life.
“It was kind of like … reading your eulogy,” the director said. “I saw what life will be like if I die ― what the reaction would be if I die ― and it was very sweet.”
However, Smith wasn’t amused by those who criticized Chris Pratt, one of his favorite actors, for sending him his prayers via Twitter.
Pratt “put up a nice tweet where he’s just like, ‘Hey, man, I don’t know you that much … but I’m praying for you,’” Smith said. “And apparently some people were like, ‘Fuck your prayers’ and attacked him.”
“Please don’t fight over stuff like that,” Smith said. “It’s a waste of time.”
Smith also said people told him he should’ve expected a heart attack because of his weight, referencing a 2010 incident when Southwest Airlines removed him from a flight for being overweight.
“I lost about 85 to 90 pounds since then. I went through lifestyle changes, and some shit don’t matter,” he said. “Some shit you just can’t beat because it’s genetic.”
Now that Smith has experienced what it was like to believe he was going to die ― and survived the ordeal ― he says he has a “zest for life.”
But even if it were his time to go, Smith said, while holding back tears, that would’ve been OK too:
“I had a good long moment to think … I thought about my parents and how they raised me, and my brother and my sister, and my friends, and my wife and my kid, and this weird wonderful career that I’ve had for so long ― and I was like, content.
“I didn’t want to die, don’t get me wrong, but I was like, Well, if the ferry man comes tonight, I got to pay him. What a ride it’s been. What an incredible fucking ride it’s been.”