Of all the trials and tribulations in parenting, perhaps none is as disheartening and just plain disgusting as potty training. Fortunately, many parents have found a place to vent their urine- and poop-filled frustrations: Twitter.
We’ve rounded up 37 funny and too-real tweets from parents about the potty training struggle. Hopefully you don’t wet yourself laughing too hard…
Potty training is a great reminder as to why I didn’t become a motivational speaker.
— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) March 27, 2017
5-year-old: *walks in holding the toddler’s training potty* She peed! She peed!
Me: It’s empty.
5: Well, it was full.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 12, 2018
You know we are potty training because every time I pee, my toddler screams, ‘YOU PEED ON THE POTTY? I’M SO PROUD OF YOU MUMMA!’
— Court (@Discourt) August 1, 2014
“Let It Go,” is a pretty great to sing to your child as a potty training song
— dadpression (@Dadpression) August 30, 2016
Me: *to my 3-year-old* I’ll have you potty trained by preschool
[a full day of training later]
Me: I’ll have you potty trained by college
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 8, 2017
Potty-training 1st kid: reward chart, underwear, sitting on potty regularly.
Potty-training subsequent kids: keep them in diapers. Repeatedly sigh and say, “We should probably potty train you, huh?”
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) January 17, 2018
Potty training my kid, and I just made up a cheer with the word POOP in it. Burning my college degree later today.
— Carrie On, Y’all (@CarrieOnYall) April 12, 2016
Joys of potty training: your toddler pointing at your lady parts, contorting her upper lip into a scowl and going, “Eeyuuuuck!”
— Heather B. Armstrong (@dooce) January 20, 2011
Some call it potty training but I’m pretty sure my kid is reviewing restaurant bathrooms for Yelp.
— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) July 27, 2017
My 2-year-old knows the steps of potty training
But not the order
She pulls down her pants
Then walks across the house to find a bathroom
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 28, 2016
Today alone 2yo has peed in a bag of popcorn,a toy boat, &on my bare toes- but not in his underwear, so sure, potty training is going well.
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) June 14, 2016
Parenting pro tip: If you’re considering repainting the walls in your bathroom, rethink that until your boys are done potty training
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) June 3, 2017
If you don’t know what pee socks are, you’re probably not potty training a toddler.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) January 11, 2017
Whoever invented the phrase “shit or get off the pot” clearly was in the midst of potty training. God DAMN, kid.
— Linda (@Sundry) January 10, 2011
I found my 1-year-old’s fully-intact apple in her training potty. Either that’s her new hiding place or she has an amazing colon.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 23, 2014
Potty training: Because I didn’t have enough laundry to do already.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) January 29, 2018
Bought the kiddo a bag of M&Ms for potty training purposes. So far I’ve consumed three handfuls. What? *I* went potty.
— Jill Krause (@babyrabies) February 1, 2010
Me: Gotta potty train but not sure how to start.
My Mom: There are videos you can watch.
Me: [stunned silence]
Me: OKAY PERVERT.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 6, 2012
I gave my 3-year-old candy for using the potty, and she told me, “Good job.”
Now I’m not sure if I’m training her or she’s training me.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 16, 2017
If your daughter fetches and hands you clean diapers, is it time to potty train?
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) February 7, 2017
Potty training chairs should come w/charging stations & vending machines for the parents because of how long we have to sit next to it.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) April 20, 2017
It seems that with boy potty training comes the realization that they can now grab their business thanks to big boy underpants.
— Kristen Chase (@thatkristen) May 17, 2009
I keep meaning to potty-train my son but I’m just too busy changing diapers.
— Baby Sideburns (@BabySideburns) January 30, 2014
I told my toddler to sit on the training potty.
I came upstairs to find this
She outsourced going to the bathroom. pic.twitter.com/S97ua21kTB
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2016
I laughed and I laughed and I laughed at my joke of calling myself a “waste management engineer” instead of a potty training mother. And then I cried and I cried and I cried.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 16, 2018
The prospect of having to potty train my son concerns me far more than having a kid who still wears diapers in high school. So…
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 2, 2013
You know you’ve waited too long to potty train when your kid starts changing their own diaper.
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) October 28, 2012
“They say children learn by example, even for potty training.”
-I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn
— Marl (@Marlebean) September 30, 2016
I’ve been trying to potty train my toddler.
She just made eye contact with me while she pooped in her diaper.
She’s the alpha now.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 25, 2016
Nothing says “potty training a toddler has made me emotionally unstable” quite like kicking an empty training potty down the basement steps.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) September 6, 2017
Potty Train Your Child In 12 Easy Years
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) July 27, 2015
How’s potty training going?
I just cleaned poop out of my 2-year-old’s hair.
Her. Fucking. Hair.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2015
I just tickled a potty-training toddler.
So yeah, I know danger.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) September 10, 2017
Thank goodness for potty training reward snacks. I don’t know how I’d be able to keep teaching my kids if I didn’t keep rewarding myself.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 2, 2018
Loud auto-flush toilets make potty training a breeze. The breeze is what you feel when your toddler runs screaming from the restroom, tho.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) August 7, 2017
Me: I can solve all our potty training problems.
Wife: We’re not teaching our 2-year-old to go in the yard.
Me: The dog learned in a day.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 26, 2016